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"when I create art I never suffer" (anais Nin) [Nov. 17th, 2008|11:28 pm]
lilaccanopy
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]

dichotomy,ways and true lies

it would be good to find a sunbeam on the road today but there are days we cannot deny the way we feel inside.


On days like these I feel more disconnected than ever.
And Goddess knows how many efforts I've done to reach out,to connect, to enter, to understand,to learn, to decipher, to apease my soul...

I keep on oscillating between my positive thinking, the fact my Hope, my Faith heal me...and my forest of shadows where I'm dwelling for too many days in a row.

I know what really scars me deep is the fact I discard reality, its sordid fade taste, it's all so substanceless, insignificant at times...

I mean I hear and see people's life in the real world.
Their lack of passion, their lack of meaning.
their suffering too.

When I paint I don't suffer.
When I make art I am alive, I feel it.
Then why do I paint so slowly lately?
Fatigue,insomnia,worries, not being able to concentrate for too long.

Show me home I'll find my heart with no roof

Time is Love
La princesse "Je ne sais pas" est morte

God knows how I managed to paint a smiling girl:)
Guess my smiles are still there inside.
I did smile today in between tears.

Will you

I give maybe too much importance to my mood and thus I get myself manipulated instead of reacting at once and deeper.
I know I can do that.

I so understand my desillusionment and my love for this life, I know it should not be opposed but dealt with acceptance.
Fais-Moi Vivre!(Make Me Live!)

painting in process (detail)

White Funeral For A Poem

I guess I also spend more time when creating a painting so I work more on details and think about who is she, what does she has to say,how it's gonna have meaning.
I feel good to see the fact my paintings are growing, being more detailed and more alive.
I mean I'm only painting since almost two years
I began with painting over the pictures of my self portraits and then in March 2007 I let go and just tried!
I decided I had procrastinated long enough.

Let it bleed(scanned and bars of the cage completed)
I'm making less collages and totally stopped the little vintage fairy girls
I needed to go further and I really feel now that I've forever been a painter but honestly I still feel very shy about it and I know I will keep on growing and developping my style.


On another subject I've been wanting to try again and see if I could connect to French people so I joined a community of people who love polaroids online.
I was really shocked at their rude attitude.
I remember people telling me they've visited my country and talked about the rudeness and the not welcoming ways and I must acknowledge that perhaps there are jerks everywhere sure, but even myself everytime I tried to get to know people here, to have this opportunity to talk in my mother tongue, I got really unpleasantly surprised.

I'm not saying all French are rude and total assholes but I met a lot of narrow minded stubborn or misogynists ones.
I can compare with all my English speaking friends,two of them are French but they are really different.

I am not sure if it's about the language or just a bad coincidence, but it's been now 5 years I've been using English more than French and I'm a lot disappointed from the lack of connection I can have with the people here.
Of course I know saying this will make me sound snob and whatnot, I don't really care now.
I love France, I am not just a French woman, I am a citizen of the planet first, I am not an ambassador of my country at all.
I don't care about these things much, I'm just saying that in my life I've been quite disapointed in my relationship with French people.

I believe in a way I am still hoping to make French friends here and now, but it's really scary the violent, rude and agressive rejections I've received from French men and I am not sure why.

I am lucky my love is an exception!
Still it's always a big disapointment to see people not being real humans.
It's not about being loved and naivety of everyone should feel at home but I don't understand insult for free and people making you have to justify.
This not right and there is no meaning in this.

It reminds me my teenage and the need of others to break another one because they are bitter, angry and frustrated about their lives.
For the more I think about it there's no pleasure in being rude or mean to another person.
Maybe it's all about Karma, what goes around comes around.

I don't take it personally , it's not pleasant sure, but it's not about me or the person I am ,it's about the image I convey, because how could someone hate me when they don't know a thing about me?
It's only the image they see of me, something that reminds them their own limitations or frustrations and thus I annoy them.

I also know my big mouth does bother people.
It's ok.
I have a hard time to shut it up when someone lacks of respect towards me.
But I can handle it better than before just that during a phase of doubts it's not helping much to have people out of no reason telling you meaningless and agressive things about your work.
Besides I really think we are no one to judge others work.

There are artists I don't like but I won't allow myself to say this is crap because it's absurd.

I am not snob I am not into rejecting or downplaying people and to set things clear I don't have anything against French people, I just noticed an aspect of their character but as I'm knowing and having the best around me, the ones who see the best in me when I'm doubting and putting everything in question I know I am blessed.

I have also sold artworks to French people but the more I work, the more I see, my work gets more attention by the Usa and foreign people.
It still kind of saddens me not to feel "welcomed" here but I guess I'm getting used to it.
I will still try to find galleries who will want to believe in my paintings or phoetry.
I will keep on trying to find people to work with for books and such.
I would just love to illustrate childhood books for an author, maybe it'll happen sometimes or I'll write mine ;)

I want to do more artist collaboration, independent projects that could open doors to greater horizon.

I am very often disapointed about the fact relationship with others are so untrustworthy or very fleeting, people don't take the time to get deeper and create a real bond, this is not something that surprise over the years but I am constantly surprised by like minded companions, fellow artists down here, who can have a human eyes on others and a word of support.
It's something that reassures me to know there are other artists out there who can also feel isolated at times and lack of understanding and connectedness with people around them.

Perhaps the distance does not really matter when we find soul closeness with others.
That's surely why internet is a great medium to link souls alike.
We attract them and we have this possibility to be in contact.
It may be something strange but I have real conversations with my friends who lives away from me, it's not mere chat, it's real friendship.

sourceress
Wounded Kisses

You are Loved

I'm also working again with digital collages.
I'm a photoshop addict,I love to create poetic design...

our souls in the mirror

I've also visited the Château de Versailles when my parents came for a weekend.
14 oct. 2008
Here I am the polaroid addict :) playing in the park of le Château de Fontainbleau.
I'm into castles this year :-)

love
that was a poster in Brussels street, I thought it was inspiring

My New Baby
my new camera :))
La vie sinon rien

I guess I'm very fragile with my mood,I'm trying to go on,not like chin up and denial;)
but trying to find more understanding and bring more growth through this.
Days like today are very difficult but I'm undulating between highs and lows, I know where to find some smiles to balance my moments of sadness so I'll be fine.
I'm still very hopeful and I still have so many things to learn and to do so I cannot just give up now right?

Namasté my friends!
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mixed media collages & paintings at etsy [Oct. 30th, 2008|06:01 pm]
lilaccanopy
Etsy
Buy Handmade
AntiqueFae



if you like my work, I also accept commissioned pieces and have more work to sell here:

http://thefairyattic.free.fr
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Let go, sing out loud and dance with the Goddesses ,sorceresses and sprites within! [Oct. 17th, 2008|01:14 pm]
lilaccanopy
[Current Mood |hopefulhopeful]

I do know it's exhausting me when I take the time to make a bloke that cannot get my work shut his mouth.
it's a waste of time.
useless.

After all there will constantly be people who will say your paintings are crying way too much.
I remember with a smile my beginnings in mixed media art.
It was all naive, innocent,cute and mostly smiling art.
I used vintage images and mostly children that I turned into fairies.

At first I wanted to do what I admired in others with my own touch.
I wanted to reveal the power of my Fae child and I used the power of dreams, what can connect me to Innocence.
to the realm of Purity.Hopes.

Loving Kindness

This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness,
And who knows the path of peace:
... Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at ease.



Whatever living beings there may be;
Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none,
The great or the mighty,
medium, short or small,


The seen and the unseen,
Those living near and far away,
Those born and to-be-born —
May all beings be at ease!



Let none deceive another,
Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.


Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child, her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings;

Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depths;
Outwards and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.


Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down
Free from drowsiness,
One should sustain this recollection.
This is said to be the sublime abiding....
(la metta, Loving Kindness Prayer)


that really is a prayer that I love.
Something I want to keep on spreading.
But I also think sometimes some people should get a kick in the butt for the way they dont respect your soul or say or write things with no sense at all showing how much they lack of empathy.
But yet perhaps they just cannot enter and get our souls.
Yes we should not care.

For after all this will always happen.
being misread.
being misinterpreted.
being labelled.

It's alright.
we are still who we are.
we are not the eyes that look at us.

We are our soul.
In time of deep melancholly that is what remains.
we are our soul.
Thus we are not alone therein.
never.
always.
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Great ecstasies & then: the immensity of nothingness void...you won't swallow me whole! [Oct. 2nd, 2008|01:13 pm]
lilaccanopy
[Current Mood |melancholymelancholy]

my exhibition in Brussels at the Gallery 2016

my first exhibition was nice.
I am grateful I did this.
Sharing with the world in another way.
going out from my recluse sanctuary.
It was complicated.
My anxiety disorder is back and truly destroy my life quality because there are simple things I can't handle, but I'm fighting.
never giving up.I'm not ready to give up.

I also sold a collage there.
I am eager to have other exhibitions and to keep working in different fields with my art.


So strange how our feelings and mood can be night and day.

I have always been that kind of woman.
That does not mean I am dead or bipolar manic depressive whatever.

I am just as I am, the hypersensitive realistic dreamer, constantly growing, learning,discovering and understanding new things about herself.

I am so alive.
I know I am alive.
For this cut inside of me is so real. It does feel incredibly real.
I can paint a woman with a big slash in her core.
I look in the mirror.
This is what I see.

Nous n'étions que de la poésie et nous ne resterions que des mots

I know S.A.D does not help me lately.
The lack of sun just makes me so negative.
But I know I am not this.

I see myself walking bare feet in the snow.
It's not pleasant, but the blanket is like peace.
apeasment on all the bleeding overflows of my heart.

I am sacred, I have these feelings, I am real, I accept myself deeply and completely.
I am never waiting for a gentle tap on my back" it'll be alright babe"

I dont want to hear words that says: "come on you won't be a thirty something Goddess all your life"

It's true.
But is this what most people perceive of me?
The way I look?

Is it my limitations?

Sometimes knowing what you want seems not enough.
but hey so many things are not enough in this life, gotta get used to that!

In the back of my hearse Animal is trying some silly faces to cheer me up.
And I am driving faster.
faster.
faster.
fleeing my emotions.
Unable to name them, unable to stick a label with certainties and archive it gently.

I keep saying to myself, it's okay, it's the season.
you'll be fine.

But I hear the howling of this dark hole monster inside of me.
My baby banshees is screaming too.
"why. why did you love me so little?why must I forever live in dreams?"

Was I wrong in all the things I lived for a year?
was it all for nothing?
why can't I just answer a simple question?
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Yes we're gonna love for a living!! [Aug. 1st, 2008|09:29 am]
lilaccanopy
[Current Mood |busybusy]

I don't need shoes for where we go my eyes won't see drenched in the bath of my tears painful bliss, let me go, can't let you go,let me go, can't won't...



OH Goddess! How much I adore that Tori amos b-side I discovered it lately.
It inspired me a lot for this picture titled:I don't need shoes for where we go my eyes won't see drenched in the bath of my tears painful bliss, let me go, can't let you go,let me go, can't won't...

and that poem to go with it:

Whenever you leave with these loads from the attic
Whenever I drown my morning in the bath of your crying words
I cut my wings in wet and frayed garlands
For your hand is in my heart
Underwater comfort don't breathe now hush
Every wound remain quiet can't you hear now
Under your feet my love
In my palms your love
I don't need shoes for where we go
I can't even feel why is this so heavy
I undress my theatrical persona
All in all I numb this aching zephyrs hail my twisters
On my knees on thousands miles of mental sufferings how long the bleeding
Where the rainbow ends some embraces torture me
Electric trauma I don't want to close the doorways
Watery coma I want to follow your steps under the hailstrom of question marks
How they cut me through how they open every past lesion
How desperate the unsafe bridge of our merging
Pangs of liquid stars this emergency makes me cry inside
I cut some " I don't know" on my wrist and from my slashed heart
Float away some glowing dark I'll never beg forgiveness I know this hell(...)

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My She(s) & I [Jul. 18th, 2008|09:20 am]
lilaccanopy
[Current Mood |exhaustedexhausted]


I am not Helenina, I am me.
She is a part of me.
She is the art part of me.
she is a creation of me too.A constant evolution.A twister of emotions.you never know where it'll go, neither do I.I let her go.

I'm born of you too.
Of course.

The ones who read, who stop, who care about my work.

I am published ^____^ for Artful Blogging magazine/Autumn 2008 Issue

I'm going to be published in artful blogging.

Tu me rends belle

This is Ours

Son je est mon autre

I'll try to write more in the afternoon.

I am very glad about that.
I really am very touched, glad and grateful to the person who did that job and put such a big picture of me in somerset as an ad for the coming issue of artful blogging.
thank you Stacy and the other persons who work on this!

Boost the constrasts of an empty queendom#162The first day without feeling his soul caressing my neck#163Everdeen says: How lonely this heart machine without her poem to read#161Rain says: the musical paths of my soul aren't the same#160
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***New art available at my esty*** [Jul. 4th, 2008|03:53 pm]
lilaccanopy
Etsy
Buy Handmade
AntiqueFae

Feel free to also have a look at my flickr
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mademoisellehelenina/collections/72157600399549304/

for artworks you'd like to buy or commissioned pieces.

Blessings and Light!
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Helenina's tsunami babies: colorful emotions,hushed smiles,bleeding corazons and weeping eyes on the [Jun. 26th, 2008|12:19 pm]
lilaccanopy
[Current Mood |lovedlove love love LIFE!]

...most beautiful horizons...



Oh God! will I manage to blog just once in a month?
I don't know.
Orchid circus Fae child

Come home it's grey without you

The clouds are gliding in my mind
First comes the coma white in my spirit
the hands of the clock always threatening
attaching weight of guilt around my doll neck
I just want to collapse on my bed of cherries
To fly away in my nonsensical circus of dreams
The enchanting sweet funfair where colors are alive
I conceal all the question marks under the sheets
I don't want to see their grey faces
I want to swirl in poetry fields and open my arms to your silences
I'd pick flowers of semantic for thee only for thee
But the day goes in shades of grey
I eat some clouds & yawn all day
I sigh come back it is so grey
Without you my whimsical poem
without you it's not the same



Make me Fall Make me Feel please

Is that I feel I have nothing to say or that I cannot write down everything that I think.
I always have so much to say about any and everything just sometimes tired to speak, lazy to take the time to write.



also like this song says something are better left unsaid for who would understand me but me myself and I.

People who come with their big sandals of judgements, analyses,prejudice and such.
Everyone has their opinion on everything.
I do not mind sharing my soul.
But I keep the best for my dearest ones.

I am already so giving, so naked(yes soul and body) in my work and poetry.
splEEnters

Je ne suis pas la règle du jeu

when I undress my clown

Et si

I really am a dreamer and a poetic story tellers.
I breathe romantic semantic fields fresh air, I live for this somehow.
Emotions nurture me and they keep me alive oh so alive also they keep my Muse at work.

I also believe I'm a Muse for rent.
How much?
it's kinda free.
All I want back is to see more art, more love spreading,emotions,sharing,a pay it forward.
To give so people give, learn how to give again, to trust again, to remember they too can be muse and they too can do good down here.

Is it important?
Yes for how it feels.

so the pictures above are from my clown series.
Inspired by many girls who did this and especially the beautiful Elle Moss who is a lovely whimsy one of a kind inspiration.
A woman photographer so creative that I admire a lot.

Everyone wanted to know what the clown means.

so it begins like this once a upon a time, in many centuries before, a nonsensical princess fell in love with a poem that thought he was a clown...
This is surely the root of it, so she became a clown, expressing his feelings,reassuring him too that she was a clown too not such a princess.
It brought to life new branches with blossoming words thank to the magical hours of poetry and laughters.


I painted too of course, I am not totally idle while away from blog;)

I painted in my soul a place for usLet me teach you how to fly free of yourself

Enter my Inner world ;)Collapse )
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we are all connected. a way or another. [Jun. 1st, 2008|10:17 am]
lilaccanopy
Not so easy to find time for blogging,oh and well who cares who reads?
I already blog so much at flickr, I share my poetry there.

My world is there,friendly,passionate,my biggest fans, my greatest support!
How would I go on without all these lovely you's!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Everytime I go to flickr it's just like a mind trip you know.
I truly enter a wonderful village of souls with inspiration,with thought provoking soul food and I just feel so blessed to be the witness and a part of this.

Connection.

We are all connected. a way or another.

now I'm trying to share some of my lastest paintings:

but first you did not know so I show off a bit( my silly pleasure ^___^;;)

366 days project :Helenina Illustratrice yay!

I have illustrated the cover of a psychology book.
and let's be positive and crazy,it's just a Beginning ;-)

so I felt elated, so ecstatic on that very day:)
and it lasted.
It truly reload my battery.
I still have my anxiety disorder problem,it's become a real frustration,I try to fight it, to cope with it.
I'm going to alanis M. 's concert next friday in Paris and really I kinda fear to have panick attack,it's so boring to be me and so hyper sensitive to energies, to noises, to people, to crowd especially.
anyways I'll challenge myself! totally suicidal ^__^;; kidding.
I need to think positive all along next week and I should be fine and positively reenergized :-)

Then there was the Moving and I just felt super tired, physically and emotionally drained because it was even worse than we forsaw.
I drove so many kilometers back and forth, a big trip and I complained all the time :-)
I am so very good at this!

then I rested a bit but I painted:

Un mur de mots( entre nous)/ a wall of words( between us)


lj-cut text="Read more"

The strange carnival of Epiphany

Bride of a (so called) Dead Poem(detail)
(love that detail)
Bride of a (so called) Dead Poem

click to see it bigger :-)
and join flickr if you love my work, it's the best way to see my new work everyday:)

N'être en toi (close up)
(detail)

Oh dear, this is your last fairytale

Columbine's love died

Alors : mon coeur(strange angle detail)

Alors : mon coeur

Le cimetière de mon coeur/the graveyard of my heart

In her bath she dreamt he would go downstairs to her

INYC3 : our Alchemy

oh and because I want to remember Sarah and our luck to be alive and somewhat almost healthy

And all the flowers in the world began to glow with tears
Everything would echo this painful tear in the mind
As she grew her last wings
There was no words left to say goodbye & no melodies to soothe the soul
But she was not alone for filled with the unison of the bleeding love hearts around her
(...)

click on the image, send your blessings to Sarah:)

© All Rights Reserved - No Usage of words & images Allowed in Any Form Without My Written Consent.
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a mix of me maybe an O.D for you but I'm moving soon so goodbye for several weeks! [Apr. 20th, 2008|03:23 pm]
lilaccanopy
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Mood |excitedexcited]

To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else.

(Emily Dickinson)
Come out of the circle of time
And into the circle of love.
(Rumi)

Cher Poète
Dear Poet

What did I read?
He said " silence kills the poet it's true"
I stopped.
Please breathe. Hush hush.
Can't you hear it?
Which silence are you referring to?
Can't you hear the din of this Heart of heart?
Silence honey!
Listen to the drums of this inner life follow the rythme
Let the waves take you there
Safety nets after the Fall in the poetic Hidden Place
I remember the warmth of the pagan songs of the humid daturas under your sun
Like a treasure box of memories folded in a satin case with thousands of your smiles
How much I loved thee how much I loved(...)

Le silence tue le poète

I did some strange but interesting and powerful at least it appears to me pictures photoshopped with my friend Derek.

Don't be afraid of the dark & when you are without him(her)

I like the mystery,disturbing atmosphere of darkness with prayers,kinda of provocative in a way, but to show that darkness has some humour and also to play with all preconceived ideas.
Dark shines truly.
I think there is a real mystic intensity in this.
Some teasing too.
It can be interpreted many ways and also of course this reveals things I am not which I just love to play with.
Illusions.

Petite Peur des calvaires(Version to keep breathing)

That I did always love

That I did always love,
I bring thee proof:
That till I loved
I did not love enough.

That I shall love alway,
I offer thee
That love is life,
And life hath immortality.

This, dost thou doubt, sweet?
Then have I
Nothing to show
But Calvary.
(Emily dickinson)

Lettre d'Amour(past lives version)



Lettre d'Amour(film noir version)

La pluie de minuit

You don't see your soul anymore in her glass wall
She doesn't see your smiles reflecting in her puddles of tears
Dear mirror I scratch you and I breathe in your silences that cut my lungs
I smash you to smithereens and tonight I'll sleep in your bed
nevermind the blood nevermind the blood(...)

Leurre des corps

Building a pedestal and adorning a thrown
She is afraid of heights and she bleeds on the thorns
But the silk lanes of souls that create new alleys
And the purple clouds and zephyrs that want to stay
Are blessings of her book anytime a page is torn
You write on another and you give her petals of Grace of your heart
All these energies are mesmerizing she feels nurtured
Her sweet sea of words her rivers of birthing where the hummingbirds swirl
Promethean spirits who rekindle the Inner flame
She goes down her tower she breaks the pedestal
She finds you there beautiful fucked up man in the debris of his story
She hands you a white rose murmuring " this is all I found in the secret place of your soul garden, it grows deep inside your swamp of darkness"
Showers of light and a profound serenity like mirroring everything in one
"I give your God back! May you know how much you shine, keep your preciousness in its silver case of purity and may you be blessed with Perfect Love!
I awake the God inside of you, I celebrate your sacredness! There's nothing you can't do if you have soul pieces to shed to this Life"



Mystic Panty Terrorism
This picture was much of Fun :-)

it's called Mystic Panty Terrorims ;)

This is the cd cover of a band called The Mystic panties:

1. Musicotherapeutic Orgasms
2. Sonic field Lust
3. Forlon song for the Humid poems
4. Horizontal sacredness of writing
5.Soulgams sur fond de piano
6.Wet sighs stories for the lovely ones lost in translation
7.Le chaos musical sous la robe de Adah
8.the High sigh of thigh
9.The precious book of Intellectual intercourse
10.L'indécence de nos mots allongés ensemble sur le papier
11. I don't know the word end but Hand.

bonus track: Je ne connais le mot Fin mais faim

ps: and soon a video will come stay tune
(mwhahahah I'm kidding on that one! rassure toi sébastien c est pour rire ;-) même la folie a ses limites)
I will never put a video here, I imagine soon the horror of tasteless shit that can happen, oh my!but I wont take part to that war against vids on flickr

the benefits of cd would all go to Free tibet organization.
(well of course this is all but imaginary work, but love to imagine that as some of you know I love singing ;-)

© All Rights Reserved - No Usage Allowed in Any Form Without My Written Consent.

You Want A Peace of Me

For Aeon

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXXFD6dRV0s

We could have spent sleepless nights at the light of words sleeping in the Sea of Love
Do you remember the waves and the unique showers in our eyes
When our clouds were too heavy
We swam so many times in our underwater big secret
Our memories of Ether are drowning like tiny paper stars
But look how it shines when truth does not die
We say what's written is forever but I say there can be fleeting emotions
Still remain the sugar moments but your spoken words are eternal
They infiltrate each of my cells I still hear their echoes
Your daring words solluble in my waters of Life
I still can hear the gentle ripples of your laughters
The enterlacings of our silence know that there anytime we can be one
For there are some swirls of light that are only for Aeon
For aeon for aeon for aeon

Disenchanted Mermaid silences

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yiwL1SSr1Q

project 366: Dire Merci

Saying Thank you:

To life
to failures
to doubts
to enemies
to magick
to intensity
to passion(s)
to the power of emotions
to memories
to nostalgia
to little details
to the unexpected
to the impossible
to the luck to love
to the immense blessing to be/feel loved
to sharing
to our thoughts
to changes
to seasons
to beauty
to true kindness ( for free)
to empathy
to anger
to meditation
to our mistakes
to smiles
to the ones who stop on our tiny existence
to the experiences
to our inner child
to our inner terrorist
to our parents
to our guardian angel
to pushing the limits
to tolerance
to open mindedness
to sincerity
to the sun
to the Muses
to art
to words
to wisdom
to sweet Madness
to poetry
to all the dead poets
to the unseen
to those who make us laugh
to destiny
to signs
to nature
to the faeries
to music
to our dreams
to our sorrows
to our darkness
to the stranger who listens in our life journey
to our capacity to listen others and to hear
to all the ones we have loved in our life till now
to freedom(yet an utopia but still :)
to the wonders of sleephood
to fairytales
to children's stories laughters smiles songs
to spontaneity
to purity
to what we lost
to our ancestors
to our past lives
to the spirit messengers
to illusions
to our wishes
to our desires
to our daring
to creative chaos
to the writers and all the persons we admire
to the persons who celebrate our soul
to respect
to brother/sisterhood
to serenity
to books
to pain
to our strength
to our will
to our mind
to our heart
to God/Goddess and all the divinities/archetypes that inspire and help us grow
to our friends
to you

Project 366: L'humeur/the mood

Grey would be the color(vintage compulsive disorder version)

*

Everyone seem to enjoy this picture, it makes me feel uncomfortable for it truly does not look like me, it's like wearing some kind of mask, the light and tones create really a new face.it s weird!

Test the pirate Taste the mermaid

Here is the secret door in the siamese hair
Maybe no buccaneer's heart would dare to reach such shores
With just one shot on your marrooned isle sometimes you'd better dare the jump in those waters
Test of the black thistles and the Eternal caress of the waves of enigmatic words(...)

What they say about her

Alors

so if I am depressed & melanchollic and indulge in dark art I must be depressive and oh please motherize me :)(or fatherize me mwahhhahah)
because if I look so sad in my pictures I must be close to suicide.
if I put this song or that word then immediately I get summed up and labelled.
"This is who she is!"
if I get so somber and sullen in my work some worry for me or find me utterly boring because they label this drama queen or are tired of my mood swings.

so if I am smiling, so very sweet and grateful,loving my friends not for the comments they make but the beautiful souls they are and the great inspiring and touching art they do,if I make more philosophical work, sharing my simple philosophy of life made of empathy and Love spreading
they are bored of the life lessons and fairytales kindness.
They're getting used to my honey and can't bear this love torrent, for it's too much it can not be sincere.
"she must be hiding something and faking this"

Am I such a great actress? do I fake sorrow or sweetness to be alive?
Limits.limits. limitations.

I can see more. further and beyond.
whether I am smiling or crying I will bore another one.

as for self esteem, self confidence the same works.

If I acknowledge all my qualities and the things I believe in myself you will get bored and label me fucking arrogant self assured bitch ;-)
I don't understand why people can't say " I am beautiful" if you are good if you have something to give to life could you write this for once?
could you utter a sincere " I am beautiful"

oh yes! do it!! it'll make me smile :-))

people get so fucking shy or modest when it's not just the appearance I'm mentionning with such a sentence.obviously.

If I talk about my doubts, my introversion because I am not at ease in society I get labelled shy and "Miss huge lack of self confidence"
and I wonder are they right?
if I was lacking of self confidence would I spread all my shit like that?
not sure.

so I take what's mine back, I take my freedom to be whatever I want to be.
if that makes me weak, boring, bitching or whatever this is not important.


I a mix so please keep your summary, I can't belong to that kind of short book ;)
rainbows

this is not art just the fae child smiling at two rainbows, you can't imagine how bright the right one was, I had never seen such vivid color rainbows!
I have been told that when you see a rainbow it's a sign of Hope ;) so two rainbows
wow!
Big time Hope! =D
so I'm posting this Beautiful(ironic) image of the wonderful landscape from my window
I swear they were trying to create the empire building of Cambrai, for each time it was higher by the window and hiding the light even more!
How wonderful!
anyways moving in May so I wont have to bear such a view:P
oops the big digression made me forget the end of my sentence, yes posting this for all who needs hope, I'm sharing mine with you!

Nos instincts/Impulse

Je t'aime la nuit

Etre ange...

Of these nights to become an angel she only remembers the silence on her skin
In front of & behind the Door where the internal chaos begins to laugh with a roar
crash of broken glass verses which nobody has yet dared to write her
Shouted on some virtual paper where One lose their virtue
Give a little again move closer don't be afraid of the strange

Nos nuits d'apparence

Et tout se perd dans la traduction.../And everything gets lost in translation

Et si je lis entre tes lignes

fragments des disques qui durent...

Tant de beautés derrière le conflits des anges...

Doppelgänger

Om Mani Padme Hum

"Kwan Yin's esoteric attributes are those of compassion, healing, and centering. She lives in the heart chakra, standing in full acceptance, relishing joy and wrapping you in her unconditional love."

AFFIRMATIONS

* I am love
* I radiate love
* I receive love willingly
* I am tolerant of everyone around me
* I have great joy, and therefore great energy
* My peace is shared peace
* I am weightless and liberated of burden
* I deserve love and compassion and allow myself to receive them

Her Story

Kwan Yin, Mother of Compassion in ancient Chinese culture, blows gently into your life, and should be welcomed as an eternal source of comfort and peace.

Kwan Yin's values are about co-operation, sharing, balance, harmony and partnership; she is highly sensitive and aware. Kwan Yin is light and weightless - the qualities that result from highly tuned values of tolerance and acceptance."

(text found here:
www.goddess.com.au/)

Got the Key to Make Her Shut (the fxxx)Up
"Among your hounds of love.And feel yours arms surround me"
I am too pure for you or anyone.


Hush it's okay

and all my recent mixed media artworks:

Russia ! I want to speak!

Saved Inner Sky where no one will ever fly(this is mine! this is mine!)

Merci

Viens prenons la clef des chants sémantiques

His Name was Aeon

So many things, so many poems, so many stories, so many feelings and mood swings:)
soul wings too :-)

I'm moving pretty soon now, so in May I won't have internet access pretty much, that will be REAL DETOX for me, God! Oh my Goddess! I will just be insane and miss some special you's so very much!
You mean a lot dearest soul friends!
What each of you bring to my world is something that gives me energy,inspiration,strength ,laughters and so much really.
most of you can't be put into words anyways like this, so I smile a lot, many smiles for everyone!
Take good care of yourself, be well and miss me a little;)

Blessed be and namasté!
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