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lilaccanopy

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For those who want to give a try at helping and loving themselves [Feb. 24th, 2010|03:41 pm]
lilaccanopy
http://soulcoachingmusinghealingsearching.blogspot.com/

my humble offering, if it can help one soul I'd be very happy.
There are series of questions for you to find out who you are and what you have to improve,how you could heal and so forth.
if you feel like talking about anything feel free to share.

Depression is not something uncurable. It may last years but you still can kick its ass if you want to.
You can be the leader of your life and feel better about yourself one day at a time.

take good care
blessings

feel free to delete if you dont want this in the community.
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Goodbye Livejournal [Apr. 1st, 2009|05:42 pm]
lilaccanopy
[Tags|, ]
[Current Mood |lonelylonely]

I wont update my livejournal
I will keep my blog at blogspot: helenina's sanctuary for those interesting to read and also for myself whenever I feel like writing my thoughts etc.

I will still come here now and then, especially for the communities!

you can also add me at twitter or facebook or even join me at flickr



you also can feel free to contact me via email whenever you feel like sharing something or whenever you need to vent and somebody to listen.

Many blessings my livejournal friends!

Take good care of yourself and hope to keep contact with you, chat sometimes etc:)
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Blessed poetry in Utero [Mar. 21st, 2009|10:07 pm]
lilaccanopy
[Current Mood |lovedBlessed and loved]

Let them talk

life is too beautiful sometimes we just cant understand
so we put red dresses on that can last just one day
As the words go by the ribbons get undone
And the paintings and pictures in their frame
could say a lot but they say nothing
The viewers create their own reading in the knots of her hair
In this light of her smile
Life is too beautiful sometimes we just can't understand
For the luck we have to be daring and to untie the hands
The songs have freed themselves
How light how pure and relieving to be free from this and their eyes
detached from the stares and stars
careless otherless swaying in the sunbeams of the most delicate solitude
How wonderful to be freed from needs & to kiss the essential
As the sun rise her glow on my pillow
as the sun set we communicate through the looking glass
I'm already so in love with this poetry in the middle(...)

*


I am feeling really good.
I have been feeling quite tired for the first weeks of my pregnancy and now slowly my energy is coming back though I never sleep a complete night without waking up.

We are very happy to expect this baby for the end of october.
We'll have more news after the ultrasound in April.

But it's a wonderful Blissing in our life .
My mood is lifted with this amazing news and also the fact Springtime is finally there:)
Everything is beautiful and poetry is all around.

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The poems of springtime are on the way to fill our gardens ;) [Mar. 4th, 2009|12:41 pm]
lilaccanopy
[Tags|, , , , , ]
[Current Mood |optimisticpositive]

Les Chemins de l'Amour/ the Paths of Love

so to begin with, I'd like to do a RAK so this is my GiveAway.
An old mixed media collage of mine titled: Les chemins de l'amour/the paths of Love, to send the loveliest faery blessings in your home.

so to perhaps win this little gift from my Fairy attic, all you have to do is to live a comment about who you are, what you live, why you read my blog, anything at all, share with me something you learnt lately about anything, a good news, a positive thoughts, quotes you love.
I'll draw a name on the 20th of March: Springtime!!!

There are a lot of good signs in my life at the moment.
Slowly saying goodbye to Winter.

I am smiling more.

I have been so sick last week.
totally energyless and feverish.
I had not been so sick for ages!
but today I am feeling better still tired not sleeping so well but being excited about many good things!
Bring it on Abundance in 2009!!!:)

Darling Collidine here comes your fiercest respite

*

Retrouver le chemin des Lilas
that one is one of my latest favourite!
I finally really get used to working on canvas and even enjoying it more and more, just that it takes more space in my little home!

but of course each piece is available, feel free to inquire if interested!

springtime temple

*

Soul Faery Aurora

Underwater Home

self portrait with a secret

I have been working more slowly lately, due to being sick and exhausted.
I am adjusting to my new life and the changes happening one by one, one day at a time :)

In fact it's been a while I haven't felt blessed so I am appreciating life the way it is more than ever.

I am working on new art projects and possible future collaborations, the opening of the art show in New York at the gallery APW is on the 6th of march, so if you're in NY and want to see my work in piece ;) feel free to go!
wish I could go, I so love New York!

I am also thinking about doing e-courses of Creative coaching but I have to work to prepare this.
It would be a way to use art as a therapy and to go past all the things that bloke us in our life when we really need a change, if anyone is interested, feel free to let me know.
I am not going to teach other how to draw paint etc, I don't believe in this: doing painting in the same style of another artist.
I don't find this interesting or creative.
But I understand it's a way to learn and good for those who enjoy it!:)

I believe everyone is unique and thus we all have our own ways to express ourselves.
I believe everyone can developpe their unique style, trusting their soul and going for it with all their heart!

the first session should be around be May or June, depending on many things of course.
For now I have to work it on the paper.
I want to share my inspiration, my will to create, to expand our emotions to reconnect to the depths of ourselves, to appease the roots, to move on and keep growing, nurturing our inner fae child etc.I want to awake others' creativity to show that we all can make art with will and passion & this way heal many things in ourselves and grow as human beings.


I am turning 30 next week guys:o) bring on the confettis ^___^

Blessings & Bright Light
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slowly opening a new cycle of Life [Feb. 26th, 2009|11:02 am]
lilaccanopy
[Tags|, , , , ]
[Current Mood |sicksick]

Not feeling so good , think I'm going back to bed just after my shower.
But it's been ages I wanted to take the time to blog.
Whenever I had a spark of positive energy crossing me I felt wow I should blog I'm feeling wiser.
Then it passes and I feel so dark and gloomy again.

Emotions are such a strange realm.
powerful!


drink from the source within by ~MademoiselleHelenina on deviantART


riP my love rest in Poetry by ~MademoiselleHelenina on deviantART


dont ask me to speak by ~MademoiselleHelenina on deviantART

These are the paintings 30x30cm that are hanged in New York at the APW gallery and the opening is on the 6th of March!
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cela n'existe pas. I know now. [Feb. 3rd, 2009|11:19 pm]
lilaccanopy
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]

So we're all kind of screaming the same.

we, like star dust wanting to be seen in the eyes, in the depths of our souls.

One gaze is enough & can just turn my neurotic into the worse pathetic wreckish witch...
thank you for telling me I exist with your eyes & question marks. thank you.

Hey can you believe I smiled in between my latest post and now?
sighs.
sometimes even breathing is just way too difficult and Gosh how I get angry inside of me when I sound so miserable.

I know all these paths, I've tread them too many times, why the heck I'm going there again?
to find what? to know what?
the more I go down the more I awake the dark twin in me.
and then it's not so easy to love myself...

though I do.
Thank Goddess I'm still there for me for I just feel like I have nothing no one to rely on.
why do I feel this?

and screw all that fucking crap that will tell me I'm an artist this is how fucked up we all are.
all I know is that we're all so lonely at times. no matter what.

whatever.
I still wish there were more.

thanks for those who sent me kind words and support.

Seraphin rage never subsides

I close my eyes swirling in the music of shivers
I know your name I know your door
Fresh air of spring perfume in my lungs I breathe
can I climb up the stairs of your mind
certain rages can never subside
lush scent in the garden the orchid tides is coming
Freja take me by the hand like me she always love another dance
invisible gates nothing ever remains out of reach
wash the darkness with the pure
we can see the horizon we are a light
pink tourmaline and emeral in my veins
assuage the rime on the feather path with your question marks
they enter me
they caress me
they smile to me
they kiss me through
they obsess me
we all need reasons to be beautiful & to scatter the inside gem in glows(...)

Liquid Incantations

can't stand this flowers & petals disorder

Blinded by the flames falling into a well
well well well
down down down
is there any other end
I don't want to hear the blazing tongues
it hurts in the dark
I need to jump on my merry-go-round of poems
I can't stand this dress of wounds and bruises in the mirror
break the glass
I swam in the abyss of the hopeless romantics
I wanted to find their underwater graveyards
Did you know there is avalanche of stars in the depths of the ocean
It's only in my head
I can't stand the leaking
final door there is no answer
some silence cut me and some words slashed the core of me
I am still standing on this long empty road under a coma sky
I need to read my roads to elsewhere
teach you my language
The little ghosts tiptoed trying to find their place to hide
in me the enemy
I can't stand this bleeding
Where is my ship to another emotion galaxy
I cannot translate the rampage in my garden
flowers and petals disorder
can I swim to the tender share
where there exist a twisted & lonely soul care(...)

Unnoticed in the light of my hushed pain

Silence Of Soul

Siren in the darkest seas of me
screaming alarm S.O.S...S.O.S...
Terrifying void and lack of sense at the end of the cord
entangled wires oh so meaningless echoes of my veins
deadly descent for my soul fireflies
Hades hold me tight in his arms
The real violence is here before my eyes
when I could just vanish unnoticed in the light of my pain
Swallow more of the unsaid
A lack of word
a lack of glowing stitches from your soul
deadly strikes me
I can forever walk that haunted manor of dust
I can cling to memories and kiss my fears
silence of soul
seperation of self
surrender of sunset
sudden outward sorrow
such overflowing sighs
no elation no sacrifice just the wonderful black out
I'm crawling back to the Nihilist poets attic
fucking blurry ink and dots
soaking words
who's got an umbrella and a magical parachute
to fall in my hell
to reach my den
to take my hand
there is nothing no one and you won't understand(...)

landslide

Embrace My Dark Twin to your frozen Gates Hades I'm falling fearless weightless meaningless...


Découvrez Tori Amos!
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Despairelation? [Jan. 18th, 2009|12:31 am]
lilaccanopy
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]

"dora. [deleted] says:
what really depresses me? and if i say that sometimes i just come over so miserable, so sad... without a reason... going deep down and down... and if i say that even these moments give me pleasure, bring enjoyment... is there a reason why i'm so depressed now? why i'm veering between these depressive like moods and total elation? or maybe it's because i'm so self-centered, always in need to play a leading part and getting down when i get the role of a secondary importance?

i'm depressed 'cause i give more than i receive, 'cause i can't make my dream go on, 'cause i want to hold on to sth that will never come to my expectations...
i'm depressed 'cause the reality is much more different than i've imagined...
i'm depressed 'cause i did things i didn't want to do...
and i'm depressed 'cause i regret things i could have done but i didn't...

and i stop being depressed when i have no time to think about all these stuff.."



This is kind of copyright infrigment to take those words and use them here, but the day I saw those words at flickr around last november I felt such an echo in those words.
Somehow I could relate to Dora.
I could feel her soul. Her sorrow and I don't know who she is at all, but I hope she's feeling better off by now, though with such emotions, it's hard to find a real repose.

I loved reading her words.
she inspired me. I will surely write and paint on Dora, the Ghost Muse.

somehow easier to love to the ones who don't exist, imaginary friends,muses and all than the real ones who can cut you through & leave the most damage.

I say so but my heart is sick enough and unafraid to love more which is why I'm here.
you don't love? then you die.
easy as that.

I felt there was so much of her soul in this, I felt she was the friend who could understand me as I am with my extreme sides.
You never know where I am.
A moment I run with kisses in my arms the second after I only have cuts everywhere and I'm falling apart.

"My name is Hélène and I'm a non anonymous neurotic artist..."
"good evening Hélène!"
clap clap clap.

quietly trying to laugh.

I read somewhere a photographer saying: I'm a cynical with an idealist heart.

that's so true.
I often think cynism is ugly, hopeless and oh my , most of the time I want to turn the neck of these people.

I've had cynical friends.
I stopped being their friends.
I could not hear them anymore.
I wanted to slap their face and say shut the fuck if everything is so bitter and hopeless go die and leave us alone, let us keep finding some hopes and lights, let us do what we want to do , let us be mere humans!

I am depressed lately.very.
The more I hide it, the more it swallow me all, the more I get back to the most cynical inside of me.
It's my Adah's side.
The anger.

that's a real banshee howl.

When sebastien turned on the tv tonight I wanted to scream at the top of my voice.
I don't want to see that.
I don't want to hear that.
Fuck! how does this gonna change my life? how can I help the suffering there?
I can not.
shut this fucking box of crap off!

I try to be as much sincere as possible but sometimes I just don't know how to explain to my dearest friends how awful I feel inside of me because the day after I giggle or am elated for details, for nothing at all or everything.

I wanted also lately to be more private.
to hide my real life to people because it pisses me off how people talk about you.
I admire my friends who keep their private life for them.
I don't mind to share my happy moments. My loved ones.My family.the real me.
But I'm reluctant at talking about my winter depression...
My friends ask how I feel with such enthusiasm that I don't know what to answer.

either I ignore the question or I answer what I think they want to hear with the sound of the truth.

I believe people think you, I, are not allowed to be depressed.
No reasons.

I'm beautiful, so beautiful!
that's what I hear most everyday, yeah my ego can be licked but you know the thing with ego, the more you lick the bigger it goes...kind of cynic erotism ahah
it's past midnight I'm allowed.

ego is our male side I believe.
I have to part things, to be at peace with my sides.Siva.shakti.
destroy.rebuilt.cut through.nurture.
fall.spring again with lights.

It's so hard.

I've been crying so much in december.
some days I felt I reached the bottom of hopelessness.
This feeling. this void. this sight.
it was something stiffling.

but I'm beautiful thus unallowed to feel the way I feel right?
and if I acknowledge how sad I'm feeling inside right now that will make me be seen as week and it'll be equate to my work and I'll keep that so hard to leave label of the sullen girl.

It is true that I still can be hurt by those people's word.
I'm not just a photograph.
and beautiful? what does that mean in the end?

I love beauty myself so much that people can end up thinking I'm but vain when they love to hastily sum up my self.

I can be summed up, I can be label, I can be cut through, I can be seen as whatever the fuck people want to see me if it makes them feel good.
I don't give a shit really.

I know there will always be people who can understand and those who cannot enter your garden.

I thought I had to protect myself.
but whatever you see, I am more than this or less than that.
what you see is not me, but what you see of me, the way you look at me.

I also believe that if some people come here and read and enjoy the fact I am feeling sad then good for them, they dragged their asses here, means anyways there's interested.

I don't need your small god

We don't need your small god
Hell man go on your ego cruise and stop ruining our parade
with the boring ever heard I see through you
Watch yourself in the mirror and don't bother me with the light I lack off
Those who are they a bunch of parasite in my attic
blindfold my eyes
I don't need your crutch
I even walk much better barefeet next to the ravin with my ravens
I don't need to be stappled with your virtual paper wings flattery
why do you spend so much of your time to cut our fineries
why do you spend so much hours mocking our masks
Who knows the vacuity behind your own

****

I also believe that it's not depression that makes the art better.
I believe we are somehow depressed because we are artist, poets, thinker, deep souls and it's just something we can't avoid.
our brain never pauses.
thoughts run faster, moods too, everything is alive, so alive and we can feel and see everything with more acuracy that we express things with depths.

for some it's seen as intelligence, for me it's mostly emotions.
perhaps intelligence of emotions.

Or we just go play the game in the real world and fake it, many people can after , why not I?

I'm gonna feel better soon I know.
No stitch

the words that goes with this image:

dripping stains what a scene
theatre of dreams of the obscene
Now that I'm dead where do you repose your soul
where do you breathe
Non existent wistful absolute
I am crawling on the walls towards the dissolute

come on you all made of careless paper arms
I had to murder my babies to stop hearing
all the rivers poured for nothing
How could I heal more How could I bleed more

was the food for the dust creatures never enough

I don't want to read that you need to read me
I dont want to live in your book
when I rest my head on these harmful pillows where the dreams never sleep
I nightmare and I scream how much I abhorre

will my sanity keep me walking amongst the blind ghosts
To be able to feel it all in this forest of grins
sordid manor of the chains where we only hear the hands

the clock of my heart is bleeding molasses
in the room next door with the drawn tattered curtains
another one begging for kisses
my soul my hell my vision of the cliffs
my transparent dress of bruises
is it real tell me is this real
are we only this
should we belong to this void

give her another ice lake to escape
speed your infatuated poison in my veins so I can't flee no more

all this cries makes me suffocate and I keep myself warm
to the cold walls of my attic
better off in the dark
better off even stark
Everything's lost even the words
even the sound of her voice
can you scream now
can you peak me now

all the slashes won't disappear
you can cut your head off
threadbare my heart
I am so alone at 00:00

come on you all with the glaring sounds
piercing our ears
oddities of the most melancholic lust
he repeats this is adoration
with her nails on the wallpaper

My eyes in the frame
still lifeless
a well of knots with devouring words
something to make you fall
something to show how unholy I am

there's no glue strong enough to mend your pieces
after my words

my hands on the cover
feeling braille
what the hell do you want
tell me which slice which cell which particules
No doors no bars anymore
it's all for nothing at all
help yourself
eat more than you can
talk your mouthful
of my dearest darkness(...)

**********************

I believe that art will keep on saving my soul and rincing all the stains of emotions I am trying to deal with lately.


Peace & Blessings to you.
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Being is bewildering! [Jan. 8th, 2009|08:52 am]
lilaccanopy
[Tags|, , , , , , ]
[Current Mood |excitedexcited]

MY SHOP for mixed media art & Phoetry

I created a new shop, to sell art print of my phoetry work and my original mixed media art
feel free to have a look if you're interested in purchasing something from me

Also if you are interested in something not there, just feel free to ask, I always accept commissioned piece for anything, book cover, cd cover, just a painting in the style you want to gift to a friend or special occasion, collage with your children pictures,your portraits edited...
and I also do banners and blog design.
so just feel free to inquire :-)

I am not "sad but beautiful" I'm just living deeper than you do

Hope bleeds in the wings (close up)


Blessings & Love for 2009

dear friends, thank you so much for having shared this year with me.
Your constant support have always been so meaningful to me.
I am reached by all your words of kindness.
Thank you.
I am wishing you a lovely end of the year with a positive assessment.
Mine was amazing.beautiful.
I have loved and learnt so much.deeply.
I am changed though I always have my old melancholly and wounded soul tendency.
I have grown up spiritually and as an artist.

I am sending you lots of faery blessings, may 2009 be even better than 2008.
if you hurt may you heal
if you're alone may you find the like minded ones you need.
if you are drained may your energies be all renewed in the new year
if you feel dead and empty may you rebirth with the light within to pour the best of you without.

I am blessed to have you's in my life.
thank you.so much.


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December views and more silences to solace the souls [Dec. 13th, 2008|12:05 pm]
lilaccanopy
[Current Mood |lonelylonely]

”december

If this could just die away from me

I'm but a weed that looks like a flower
Nothing more than this invasion in your wide white void
And each of your move have opened my black hole
tearing me all apart violently on the stitches of my petals
Careless utterly selfish darkest hurricane
You took it all and more with you
An immense forest of oblivion and forgiveness
learn to bleed learn to forgive
How many crosses around my neck
I weight your pain
I gave my blood to this
waves lengths of silence and tears uncried
but it always has to be about your own alleys of misery
lonesome ghost on roads of woe
always about you
"for your own good for your own good"
the purest poetic lie I've ever heard
learn to keep the guilt learn to shake my shame
My giving was so real
A pure loss
I granted all your freedom I let you go where the wind blows
I waited on seasonal sorrows
my pining grew
you hurt me so
miles of "pardon me" I followed addicted
I wish I had known how wrong I would be(...)


*

Despondence

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Painting Life with Passion and Essence [Nov. 28th, 2008|12:51 pm]
lilaccanopy
[Tags|, , , , , , , , , , , , ]
[Current Mood |artisticfeeling better today:)]



I created myself a new banner for my etsy shop and thought about doing this
for money, to include this to my art business.

I want to learn more to be as able to work in graphism as I am with traditional art.

So if you are interested in having a new banner for your blog, shop or if your website or blog needs a new design, feel free to ask me and we'll see what can be done :)

I want to thank Darcy for this,because she made me believe this could be done.
I had that thought earlier but didn't trust my graphism enough, I was too awkward.
But in a few months I learnt a lot on photoshop and I've improved my skills.

I also think it depends on our moods, emotions and the way things feels in our life at a present time.
I was feeling too dark lately to see the best in me or my skills, my potentials.

So thank you Darcy for reminding, thank you to all my loved ones and dearest friends and supporters, especially at flickr, you all make my day, you make me stronger and you help me remember I really am a Human being, in the deep sense of it.

I hate to feel disconnected from humanity, as if I were so cut from the whole world in my secluded existence.

I dont complain, I love solitude and being alone at home.
But I still dream to have a dear friend with who I could just walk out in the hood and take pictures, laugh, admire the landscape, the little detail of the beauty around us, breathe where we still can breathe, a sister who could be like me, loving simple things and deep things too, seeing the poetry of this life, of nature, of any kind of art, the poetry of emotions, the beauty that can be felt, touched, grabbed ,seen in every little things,every aspect of our life.

That's why I can be pissed at people when they say comment at my work" oh why are you always so SAD?"
they talk as if they knew me which is so rude!
and writing sad in big shows how they have a fear or problem with this emotions.
sorrow sadness can be beautiful, it reminds us our humanity, that we can need others, and being able to express and feel unashamed to cry is something important to me.
it's being free to be.
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